Homework Excuses From The XMen
by Vaneria Potter
Summary: Everyone has excuses for not handing in their homework. Some are rational, some are silly. What would the X-Men come up with? Based on Kisha-Ra's ‘Homework Excuses from the X-Mansion’ and used with permission.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men:Evolution. Kisha-Ra came up with the idea in her fic 'Homework Excuses from the X-Mansion'.  
Summary: We all have excuses for why we didn't do homework. What would the X-Men say?

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**Homework Excuses From The X-Men**

_**1) **I live in the Xavier Institute. Do you really want to know?_

No. As a matter of fact, Bayville High's Physics teacher _didn't_ want to know why Xavier's students had failed to turn in their homework.

She just knew that the explanation would only give her a headache.

The first (and only) time she had asked for an explanation, it had taken nearly an hour of bizarre but verifiable reasons, and the end result of calling in a substitute for her next class, and spending the rest of the day curled up with a plushie toy and the strongest alcohol she could find.

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_**2) **A FOH mob saw it. It was my homework or my life._

All right. Mrs. Bygone, the Sophmore History teacher in Bayville, had no particular love for mutants. However, she was quickly developing even less love for the Friends Of Humanity, a very extremist Anti-Mutant group who probably would attack a Mutant on sight, allowing them to sacrifice their homework.

She agreed that Mutants and Humans shouldn't mingle, but she didn't approve of killing people just because they had an extra chromosome or two. Just look at all the other instances throughout history! The KKK, the Holocaust, the Crusades; all of them ended badly.

Besides, lack of homework from students meant more work for her when she tried to write lesson plans based on the entire class, which was very difficult when a lack of assignments meant she had no idea where they were up to.

Mutant students needed to hand in homework as well, not have the FOH providing them with plausible excuses on a daily basis!

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3) **I left it on the kitchen table. When I got back the New Mutants had come down for breakfast._

In all fairness, that did explain everything. Curious about Mutants, and one of the few teachers who didn't care about the occasional extra chromosome, the Biology teacher at Bayville High School had set up an appointment with Professor Xavier to discuss how the Institute Students were faring in school.

Unfortunatly, he had set the appointment for early on a Saturday morning. Upon arrival, he had been nearly run over by a group of children rushing for the dining room and fighting over the remote for Saturday morning cartoons.

The meeting with Professor Xavier had gone well, and the Biology teacher had recovered from the shock by the time he had left. However, the sight of the dining room, covered with frozen eggs, sausage-shaped charcoal, and a loaf of bread stuck _through_ the table, was not one that he would be forgetting any time soon.

Ruined homework via those hellspawn was not as far-fetched as some other teachers might think.

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_**4) **Principal Kelly said that it was "Contaminated by Mutie Scum". I have to e-mail it to you once it passes quarantine._

Normally, this would be counted under the 'Top Ten Worst Excuses Of All Time' and met with a detention. On the other hand, Principal Kelly was somewhat irrational when it came to Mutants. Rumour had it that he was even connected to the FOH, and the only reason that the X-Men were still in school was because the school board refused to let Principal Kelly throw them out without a good and _provable_ reason.

The Advanced Maths teacher stormed into Principal Kelly's office, throwing a pile of paper down on the desk. It was a stack of homework assignments, each with a large red stamp of 'CLEARED' on the front page.

The teacher's ire only grew as Principal Kelly looked supremely unconcerned, and didn't quail under the teacher's Glare of Doom. The Principal of Bayville High raised an eyebrow at the furious teacher, who obviously wanted an explanation. "Is there a problem?"

Principal Kelly faced Glares Of Death from the Rogue whenever she caught sight of him, and had developed a high tolerance against any lesser glares. He was unshaken as the Math teacher practically hissed at him. "Yes, there is a problem! My students are always late handing in homework because it supposedly has to pass quarantine first! That stops now!"

Principal Kelly sighed. The Homework Screening had originally begun as a way to try to convince the X-Men to drop out of school from sheer frustration. However, it was only supposed to be one set of homework from each class per week. If it was happening every day, then that meant the mutants had figured out what he was doing and were using it to their advantage. He would have to stop.

Bloody Mutants.

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_**5) **Pyro was visiting. I didn't finish fire-proofing my room in time._

St. John Allerdyce, the Acolyte codenamed 'Pyro', was infamous for his obsession with fire, which went above and beyond being intrigued by his mutant power.

He had joined the Acolytes because Magneto had promised him that he could light all the fires he wanted during fights, without The Un-named Australian Mutant Team (no one ever bothered to think up an official name) interfering. The team was very efficient when it was needed, and headed by a mutant who reportedly could face down a Tsunami without flinching. Whether this was true or not, the UAMT had a nasty habit of putting out all his lovely fires, and taking away his lighters and flamethrowers.

The truth was, Pyro liked fire, and the X-Mansion had this amazing Sheila who could turn herself into living fire, his greatest fantasy come to life. She was his goddess, and he was determined to prove his devotion to her.

Unfortunately, Pyro only knew one way to prove his devotion: Fire. Therefore, his methods of displaying his awe and devotion tended to involve burning things, or making fire-creations in her honour, which literally sent everything up in flames anyway.

Even though the X-Men, Acolytes and Brotherhood had formed something of a truce after Apocalypse, everyone still stocked up on fire extinguishers and anti-flammables, and fire-proofed their rooms whenever there was even a hint of Pyro visiting. Un-announced visits were considered the stuff of nightmares.

Well, the stuff of nightmares and ruined property, especially homework.

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_**6) **Gambit was trying to impress Rogue. He failed. My homework was a casualty_

Gambit tried to impress Rogue on an almost daily basis. The only problem was, it never seemed to work.

Rogue held grudges better than anyone Gambit knew, except maybe the Assassins. She also hated to be used or manipulated. Charming her in the battle with the Acolytes, and later kidnapping her and using her to rescue his father had landed Gambit a permanent position in her Black Books.

Even worse for Gambit, he was not the only one competing for Rogue's attention. There was Jamie, who had adopted Rogue as his honorary 'older sister' and frequently spent time with her alone, as both had mutations that didn't go well with crowds. Gambit was the self-proclaimed King of Hearts, but that somehow fell short of Jamie's 'superior cuteness'.

There was Angel, who had become friends with Rogue in their initial encounter during Christmas in New York. When Rogue permenantly absorbed the ability to fly, Angel had been the one to help her master it, and stop crashing into trees. Gambit had many skills, but following the two when they decided to go for a fly was not among them.

Then there was Sam, with his boyish good looks, and Rogue's fellow Southerner at Xavier's Institute. He had been with her when the X-Men fought Apocaplyse, and that had created a strong bond between them. Not to mention that he was the Southerner who _hadn't_ kidnapped her, which put him above Gambit.

That day, he had been watching Angel trying to chat up Rogue, who was responding far better than she ever did to him, and decided to remove the competition.

Gambit had spent the day following Rogue around the Institute, watching from the shadows and throwing charged cards whenever someone looked to be getting a little too close. Finally, Rogue had cornered him and told him in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. Gambit had taken this as a sign that he needed to try harder to impress her, but Iceman had accidentally slammed into him, causing him to fall and accidentally charge a table covered in various X-Men's homework.

Needless to say, Rogue had been even less impressed than usual.

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_**7) **Colossus doesn't read English and thought that it was his contract with Magneto. You try arguing with a large metal Russian who can send you through the nearest wall with a single punch!_

The gym teacher had actually considered the excuse, but eventually decided that even mutants would bow to the almighty Gym Coach and marched right over to the demolition site where the Russian had gained a temporary job to give him a piece of his mind.

Sadly, 'a piece of his mind' involved stomping up to the tall mutant and starting to yell at him. Even worse, the Coach started his rant with: "I don't care if Magneto's holding your baby sister at gunpoint! You can't just…tear…up…"

He trailed off at this point as the seven-foot-tall mutant grew even bigger, turning into solid metal. He would never admit to his very audible gulp at Piotr's death-glare, or the distinctly girlish scream as he went flying through the air, making a very large crack in a block of cement as he landed.

Seeing a twenty foot structure turn to rubble with only a few punches, the Coach decided that he could let the homework slide for once.

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_**8) **Warren Worthington came to visit. It was do my homework or gaze at an angel. I just became religious._

Professor Xavier sighed as he looked out the window. He liked Warren Worthington, he really did. The winged mutant was a genuinely good person, and had been a great help in the battle with Apocalypse.

Unfortunately, he the young man lived up to his codename of Angel in both deed… and appearance.

In contrast to his frequently rowdy students, it was nice to have the calm, well-mannered youth around, but it was impossible to deny that nothing would ever get done when he was around.

The girls were mooning after him or fighting each other over who sat next to him, or spoke to him, or called him to dinner, (Rogue usually won) and the boys spent their time trying to re-gain the girls' attention, and/or running around, trying to make sure that Angel was never alone with any of the girls.

Oddly enough, Warren seemed to get on best with Rogue, possibly the least likely of the Institute's girls. Even stranger, Rogue actually flirted back, much to Gambit's somewhat-more-obvious-than-he-might-have-hoped dismay and horror.

Turning back to his desk and the letters from Bayville High, Professor Xavier sighed again. Deciding that he might as well get it over with, he opened the first one, trying to think up a suitable explanation.

Somehow, he felt that mentioning angels as an excuse would not be taken well.

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_**9) **Remember how the Home Ec. Assignment was practical, and we had to actually cook something? Kitty's was taking over the kitchen for her assignment. It'll take far more than a passing grade to make me go in there with her._

Baking muffins is a perfectly innocent experience. In fact, if left alone, Rahne was sure that the muffins themselves _were_ innocent. It was when Kitty started looking for a taste-tester that things got ugly.

There were the muffins that had actually _bounced_, that even Kurt refused to go near, and spent the rest of the day teleporting to the other end of the Mansion whenever he heard so much as Kitty's footsteps.

Then there were the rock-cake muffins, which had actually put a hole in the floor, and had sent 'Fearless Leader' Cyclops running.

After that, there was the fudge that Kitty had somehow tricked Rogue into tasting before Kurt could port in and rescue or warn his sister. That time, Rogue had put an end to the whole cooking disaster by draining Kitty and 'accidentally' phasing her cook-books into the wall.  
In all fairness, that had been the best-case scenario, and had only happened after a good half-hour of being restrained from draining Shadowcat and phasing _her_ into a wall, complete with experimental power inhibitor to stop her from getting out again.

Despite walking on eggshells around her room mate for days, the moving, talking cooking-disaster failed to get the message. Two weeks later, Kitty had forced her way back into the kitchen, and could easily be located afterwards by listening for the moving zone of complete silence in the otherwise noisy Mansion. Even the New Mutants knew better than to go near her, when Kitty was looking to try out a new recipe.

Attempts to foist the cooking disasters off on the Brotherhood had also failed, as not even Blob would go near any of it, and even Lance refused to taste-test, no matter what Kitty did. Even trying to beg Wanda into using her powers to make them edible had come to naught. As the Scarlet Witch had pointed out to Rogue "Some probabilities just _won't_ be defied."

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_**10) **My homework was on the computer, I swear! Then Ray shorted out the power and about six Jamies fell on my laptop._

Rogue and the Scarlet Witch had formed what Quicksilver had termed 'an unholy alliance', bonding over evil parents and being female members of the Brotherhood, though Rogue had left for the X-Men.

It had been Rogue who stopped Wanda from murdering Magneto when Mastermind's lies wore off and her memory of the Asylum returned. It was Wanda who provided someone to talk to that didn't leave Rogue with an urge to strangle the cheerfulness out of them.

Still, that didn't mean that anyone wanted to be around when they were together, or when someone managed to annoy them. In the case of the lost homework, Bobby had thought it would be amusing to make an ice-caricture of the two. He had managed to escape before they could get him, but the two girls had not been amused, and were intent on hunting him down. A well-aimed hex had stopped Iceman from using his powers, so he was forced to rely on just running.

Rogue and Wanda had chased him into the library, where most of the institute was doing their homework

In a panic, Ray had shorted out the power and everything had turned to chaos as people stumbled about in the darkness. Sunspot had fallen over an upturned chair, then Cannonball tripped over _him_, crashing into Multiple. Multiple had promptly turned into about twenty Multiples, and several things got trampled.

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A/N: So, what do people think? I'll probably do more, and any suggestions are very welcome.  
Review, everyone!

Thanks,  
Nathalia 


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men: Evolution. This fic was inspired by Kisha-Ra's "Homework Excuses from the X-Mansion", but the actual writing and excuses are my own. Suggestions are welcome.  
Summary: See Previous Chapters._

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11) I left it in the kitchen. Someone thought it was one of Kitty's recipes and destroyed it.

It was an unspoken Rule in the X-Mansion that anything that could connect "_Kitty Pryde"_ with "_Cooking"_ or _"Kitchen"_ was to be found and terminated with extreme prejudice. The alternative consequence of leaving them to be re-found was not a good thing.

In fact, many thought that Rogue was probably the most accurate with her remark of "And here Ah thought unleashin' Apocalypse was a horrible mistake. Whoevah let Kitty near that cookbook did far worse than Ah did."

Hindsight was 20/20, and Wanda had backed her friend and accomplice up, speculating on the possibility of fighting Apocalypse by force-feeding him a batch of Kitty's muffins. Both girls had calmly ignored the offended looks from Kitty whenever she saw them. Besides, Kitty's cooking provided a very good excuse to get out of homework.

Bayville High School's European Literature teacher had been extremely sceptical of this excuse, until Rogue had informed him to ask the Home Economics teacher. The students were let off with a warning to make sure that nothing looked like a recipe that Miss Pryde could get anywhere near.

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12) It was on my palm-pilot, which Apocalypse thought it was some kind of 'inferior' technology. You want to retrieve it, be my guest.

As it turned out, the X-Men got out of homework that day. Apocalypse trying to take over the world was enough of an excuse. Tracking the ancient mutant down just to argue about technology and a student's homework fell under the category of 'Just Not Worth It.

Doubtless Apocalypse could provide amazing insight to the Sumerians and Ancient Egyptians, but Bayville High's History teacher wasn't _that _obsessed with historical happenings.

Besides, when several of your students have just helped to save the world as we know it, and the rest have finally taken a break from whining about being forced to share a school with Mutants, the History teacher decided that letting Homework slide for a few days wouldn't be such a bad thing.

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**13) Apocalypse was trying to take over the world yesterday. Homework wasn't exactly my top priority.**

Homework hadn't been anyone's top priority that day. With people screaming about the end of the world, any thoughts of school or homework had gone straight out of the window.

This was understandable, however, as the Journalism teacher's brother had actually managed to get on sight for a freelance story, and instantly regretted having ever even thought about it. It was one thing to hear about this all-powerful mutant on the news, but quite another to witness it in person.

The Journalism teacher's brother still hadn't come out of hiding from under his study desk back home, which was saying a lot. In light of this, and the fact that Apocalypse was now apparently gone forever, and the fact that no-one else had done their homework either, it was decided that the teachers could let the homework go this time.

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**14) Forge was experimenting. Do I need to elaborate?**

No, actually, there was no need to elaborate, as the words 'Forge' and 'Experiment' in the same sentence explained everything.

Despite what several of his students, both current and former, might claim, Bayville High's Advanced Science teacher _hadn't_ been already been a teacher when Forge had accidentally gotten himself stuck in a pocket dimension and vanished for twenty years. He had, however, been one of the Teacher Chaperones for the Sadie Hawkins Dance the previous year.

He wasn't going to forget those demonic dinosaurs any time soon, and if pocket dimensions and rampaging monsters were the result of Forge's _usual_,_ low-key_ experiments, missed homework was probably the least of his worries.

If that evil/crazed scientist/inventor was involved, someone else could risk life and limb sorting it out. Mr. Green hadn't been a teacher when Forge had disappeared, but he had landed the misfortune of sharing several classes with him. The five minutes between the first and second bell of classes had often been spent drawing straws over being Forge's lab partner, with the dubious honour going to whoever lost.

Hearing a loud explosion from outside, followed by screaming, very descriptive curses and several loud and plaintive/enraged/panicked yells of "FORGE!", the Advanced Science teacher decided that **a)** it really was possible to jinx yourself, **b)** Murphy's Law was a pain, and **c)** he needed a stiff drink.

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**15) Amara and Tabitha got into a fight. _Everyone's_ homework was reduced to ashes.**

Amara could turn herself into living lava, and throw balls of fire. Tabitha could create bombs with only a thought. The two girls were friends, but sometimes Tabitha was too much for anyone to handle.

That had been the scenario in this case, when Amara had been trying to finish a make-up assignment that was worth the difference between a passing and failing grade, and Tabitha had insisted that she was working too hard and needed to relax.

Amara had told her to go away. Tabitha had ignored the not-quite-a-request and suggested a trip to the shopping mall.

Amara had said something in Latin, indecipherable but very probably less than polite. Tabitha had misinterpreted it as agreement that someone needed to spice things up and thrown a cherry-bomb that barely missed Amara's nearly-finished essay.

Amara had gotten fed up and retaliated with a fireball that singed Tabitha's new, and currently favourite, shoes.

The other students in the library had tried to make it out with their homework intact, but, as always happened when everyone made for the door at once, had only caused at tangle, homework going flying in the chaos.

Alerted by the commotion, those who had the Common Sense to _not_ study in the library (More than three New Mutants in the same place at the same time always resulted in chaos) had came running to see what the fuss was about, and promptly been swept up in the confusion.

It had finally taken a thunderclap from Storm and a very explicit threat from Rogue to break Magma and Boom-Boom apart and calm them down, but not before all the homework in the library had been reduced to ashes.

The X-Men who's Homework was still in one piece and safely elsewhere had promptly been roped into helping the ones whose homework had been destroyed, and therefore not been able to finish their own work.

Their homework had not been a casualty in the strictest sense of the word, but there was no need to mention that.

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A/N: This is inspired by Kisha-Ra's story. Suggestions for more Homework Excuses are very welcome.

As always, review and tell me what you think. Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than the last one, but this one only had five excuses, rather than ten.

_Thanks,_

_Nat_

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